Unconditional Love

“The most painful thing in this world is loving someone who doesn't love you back.” 


You know what sucks about people like you and I? We love too easy. We think that the love we give is the love we're going to get back. But we forget that not everyone is like you and I. Our love for some people is deeper than the ocean. But sometimes we drown. And it's not water that drowns us, but rather the love that runs through our veins and deep within our soul. We drown in our own love. Whether it be water or love, drowning is painful. And that's why we're always in pain. It's not something that's in our control. When you fill a water bottle, it can only be filled to a certain point. If it's too full, you take some water out, right? Just like that, we're filled with love and the only way to not drown is to spread it everywhere else. That's why we're always giving. Giving helps us stay alive. Our happiness lies in giving love to others. But the pain comes when that love isn't being spread by others. We believe everyone deserves to be loved. We, us, you and I; we are a part of everyone. And when we don't get the love from others, we get hurt. We feel pain because we feel like we're not good enough. But that's what this world is like. And it's not going to change no matter how hard you try. So the best thing people like us can do is just be happy and spread the happiness. Spread that love you have inside of you because you'll never run out. 





Love. It’s the most beautiful thing you could ever feel. It makes you see the light where you once saw nothing but darkness. It takes all your pain away and makes you feel like everything is just perfect in this imperfect world. It is the best thing you could ever receive. But here’s where the problem comes in. Barely anyone in receiving it nowadays. We’ve all heard stories of two lovers who fall deep in love and struggle to stay together, but in the end, it’s all okay. They somehow manage to make it through and live happily ever after. But what happens to those who fall so deep into love, but receive none of it in return? Some get over it, but others, they say they got over it but they lie to themselves to make them feel better. They…

This isn’t just about “they,” but more about me.
I’m amongst those who were in denial. I loved someone so deeply that I refused to accept the fact that this person was hurting me. I believed it wasn’t his fault, which honestly it wasn’t because he didn’t even know what he was doing. I just endured all the pain without letting him know because that’s what I’m good at. I’d rather deal with the pain rather than tell somebody they’re hurting me, especially if I love that person.

When you love someone, you don’t care about anything, not even yourself. All you care is about that one person. To you, their happiness means everything. Seeing that individual happy means the world to you, even though that individual doesn’t care about you as much as you do about them. Seeing them happy just feels right, regardless of the feelings you’re lying to yourself about. People ask how it’s easy loving someone without receiving anything in return, and honestly, I don’t have the answer to that because it is not easy. When you don’t get the attention from them, it hurts. But one single act from them towards you gives you the power to stay happy for a really long time. And trust me when I say that. One small gesture from them means everything to you. Some may wonder, why not just walk away? Well, it’s not easy walking away from someone you love. Nowadays people come and go in your life, but that’s not true love. When you really love someone, you stay no matter what. My love runs so deep; I can get stabbed and still wouldn’t leave. Craziness? Maybe. But only those who are truly in love will understand. It’s not easy finding a love like this. In fact, I hope no one finds a love like this—one sided. Love should run both ways, but for now all I have is this and until someone walks into my life and shows me how beautiful a two-sided love can be, I’ll live with this one because I may have the power to walk away, but not the strength. And yes, power and strength are two different things.

Remember how I said I was amongst those in denial? Truth is, I still love him. Truth is, I still get hurt every so often. Truth is, I can’t let go because my love is too deep.  

Heart Vs Mind

I can't get him out of my head because my heart won't let me. What am I supposed to do? I'm stuck between something that could be but can't be because of certain circumstances. I wish it was easier. I wake up and the first person I want to text "good morning" is him. I go through my day in hopes of him calling or maybe even a text. If I see his name on my phone, it makes my day. I think about our last conversation until the next time I hear from him, every little bit of it. He'll tell me about his day and I'll tell him about mine. There are times where I have nothing to say but at the same time I wanna say everything in the world. Maybe the reason I'm silent is because he'll go on and on and I'd much rather hear him speak. It was just something about him; his voice, the way he talked to me, the way he laughed, all of it. At night, I anxiously await a "good night" text, but I guess it's just not destined to be. I know it's not. Nothing's going to happen, yet I still can't get him out of my head because my heart won't let me. I've started taking on his style, the way he views things, all of it. I’m consuming everything about him. Anything and everything I do, my first thought is, "what would he do?" or "what would he say." I make up all these scenarios in my head because I know it won't be a reality, but that's okay, right? Because everything is fair in love and war? This is love. Or is it war? A war between my heart and mind. My heart says to keep him there. He's already taken up so much of it. If I let him out this easy, there will be a hole in my heart that no one will be able to fill because his, and only his name is the perfect fit. My mind knows nothing will work and it's best to let him go. But the heart...

Who's stronger, my mind or heart? All my mind is saying is to take him out, but my heart; my hearts beating for a soul it knows is not destined to be mine. My heart wins. In this war between my heart and mind, my heart is victorious. All I can do now is pray so that not just my heart, but all of me will be victorious. Let's see where this heart of mine takes me.

Anonymous Friend

You know, there’s always that one person in your life that can make you smile without even trying, whether it’s a parent, a sibling, or a friend; that person means everything to you and you always want to keep them close to your heart. Some believe that only a soulmate can have that effect on a person; I say that’s a lie. Finding a soulmate is a completely different story; they have their own spark; their own way to light up your world. This is about someone other than a soulmate. It’s not always about whom you’re going to spend the rest of your life with; it’s about those people that have stuck by your side from the beginning; through every rollercoaster of your life. For me, that individual in my life is someone very close to my heart; a soul who has taught me how to live my life the right way. I have known this friend for a good thirteen years, but sad to say, not all thirteen of those years were spent with her in my life. It’s a typical story of two best friends going to the same school, one friend leaves, and they both drift apart; however, in this story, years later, the two friends find their way back to each other. Reuniting with old friends is great, but reuniting with old best friends is even greater. I didn’t think it would actually happen, but it did. The years in between when we weren’t in each other’s lives, I went through a lot. I witnessed things I shouldn’t have witnessed, especially at such a young age. Family problems, losing those who mattered most, and depression screwed me up for a really long time; however, I can’t really complain about it because it shaped me into someone who viewed every aspect of life differently, from a new perspective. I started appreciating people more and started seeing the good side to everything because I knew what it felt like to lose people, but I realized you can’t do that in this world we live in because at the end of the day, you’ll get hurt. That’s exactly what happened. I got hurt numerous times and I eventually just gave up. I felt lost, like I didn’t belong. But then, this individual came and managed to set things right. I reunited with an old best friend. Come to think of it, she isn’t just any old best friend, but much more than that. She has this gift of reading people inside and out and knowing exactly what to do when someone’s not feeling right. With the right words to say, she can make anyone feel better. Some people are meant to bring change into your life and that’s how it was for me; I changed. Everyone noticed and they all said it was a positive change. The individual that brought this change is someone I call family now. Someone who knows every little bit there is to know about me, every dark side to ever exist in my life; she knows it all. Perhaps that’s the reason I’m so dependent on her. You know, people say we shouldn’t rely on anyone, especially nowadays when the people of this world bring us down, but I say if you can find one person who genuinely cares for you, no one will ever bring you down. We, as humans, are filled with a void in our hearts that can only be filled with love and care. We look everywhere for it and once it’s found, we realize we were living life the wrong way this whole time. Look deep into your friendships because there’s always that one person who is in your life to fill that void in your heart. You need someone who can be your rock; somebody who can pull you up and get you back on the right track; someone who can get you out of the tunnel of darkness and into the light. And that’s exactly what happened to me. I was lost for a really long time. They say only God can get you back onto the right track, but that doesn’t mean God can’t answer your prayers through somebody else. I am a firm believer of prayers being answered through others because that’s exactly what happened to me. I found my light. And if that person is reading this right now, I’d just like to say this, “For broken souls, God sends Angels, and I’m so thankful He sent you to me.”


The Forest In My Eyes

You know the saying, “eyes are the windows to the soul?”  Have you ever thought about what this could mean? Or how true this could be? Now think about this: have you ever looked at someone’s eyes and thought about the pain in those eyes? Not a lot of people think about this when they look at someone. When you get a chance, look into someone’s eyes. If you look close enough, it’ll look like a burning forest. You know why? Eyes are the windows to the soul. Every soul is burning with pain; the pain that you may never have experienced, the kind of pain that some people are afraid to even talk about; all sorts of pain because everyone goes through things differently. Some notice it better than others, some hide it better than others, but it’s always there. Everyone has pain. Everyone goes through something. But that’s why I keep saying, smile and make others smile so their pain can go away; for that forest in their eyes to shine with light rather than burn down because of the fiery pain. This world we live in is nothing but an illusion that deceives us all. That’s why it gets to the best of us and tears us apart. Look into people’s eyes and find me one person in which you don’t see pain. There is no one like that in this world. Even a new born baby comes out of the womb with tears in its eyes. I remember when someone came up to me saying my eyes are really pretty, but they seem to be holding a lot of pain. I have regrets and I have guilt trapped inside of me. Perhaps that’s what my eyes tend to show. It’s hard to believe someone when they say they’ve gone through a lot, especially when I tell someone. My personality is so energetic and joyful but my mind often wanders deep into the forest and gets lost in the darkest places. The only way to get rid of this darkness is love. We need to extinguish the fire within us and give off less heat and more love and light. It’s the only way we can get ourselves onto the right path and out of this forest. We need to get out before it burns us all down. The eyes should show paradise, not hell. Our souls should be filled with light, not fire. 

Night Sky

The sky always leaves me in awe. It’s crazy how dark the nights are but somehow the stars and the moon always manage to show us that it’s never completely dark. There is still something that can provide us light, still something to show us the way, something to guide us home. The nights can be very long. So long that you eventually get to a point wondering if the sun will ever shine to bring back the light in your life. It can be crazy at times. But if you think about it, that’s how the people in your life are too. Your friends and family; they’re your light. Sometimes in your life, you’ll be in the dark. You won’t be able to see anything and it’ll all just be blank, but that’s where the stars and moon come in, that’s where your friends and family come in. They’ll light up your dark world so you can see things clearly, so you can find your way back home, so you can see the sun once again. We don’t realize how important these people are. We, as humans, don’t appreciate the stars and moon enough, just like we don’t appreciate these people enough, not until they’re gone at least. It’s sad how we don’t realize how important something is until it’s gone. Ever see the night sky without stars? Or ever look up and not see the moon? It seems empty, doesn’t it? Without these people in your life, you will be empty and you’ll have an empty void. I am saying this from experience and if you’re anything like me, you’ll know exactly what I mean when I say you’ll feel an empty void. It’s hard to live in complete darkness, so don’t test it. Appreciate those people around you who strive to be your moon and your stars. Don’t lose them because they’re the ones that’ll bring you home to see the sun again. 

Broken Soul


She was different. She loved more than anyone could ever imagine. The people she lived amongst didn’t love her enough and that broke her more than anything. Maybe that’s why she loved so much, because she knew what it felt like to not be loved. All she wanted was happiness and the only way she found that was by giving it to others. She gave people her all, even to those that deserved none, but it’s what gave her a reason to live. The smile she saw on people’s faces is what brought happiness into her life. Instead of living for herself, she lived for them. People would tell her to do things for herself, but none of that mattered to her. She was never her priority. It was the people. All she cared about was doing things for others even though none of the love was returned. She never expected anything to be returned to her. There weren’t many people that understood her; just two, actually. But as time passed, she lost both of them. Her fragile soul couldn't take it anymore. It had gone through the roughest times and there was more to come. She wasn't ready to handle it so she wore a mask. She didn't know what else to do. She trusted too easily in the past and it led to heartbreaks. Little did she know the worst animals are humans themselves. They hurt in the most treacherous ways. They're ruthless. The hearts she trusted were the hearts that made her do things under duress. It was something she couldn't come back from. She couldn't take it anymore. She had to wear a mask to protect herself; a mask that hid all the anger, all the sadness, all the cries, all of it, a mask for the outer world so they couldn't see anything, a mask to protect herself.  She didn't have a choice. She didn’t know that someone out there would one day be able to see right through that mask of hers and help her. That someone would see right through the mask and deep into her soul and understand what was going on. Someone who would read her heart and put the broken pieces together and care for it so it doesn't break again. They would worry about her heart more than anyone and make sure it doesn't get hurt again. Only that person deserves to see what's behind the mask. No one else. And you know what, one day she found that someone. Someone who came and stayed. Someone who made everything better. She found her true self again. Someone came into her life and helped her up and got her back on her feet again. She changed, but that change was for the better. She’s been broken and that’s why now she would go around fixing everything, perhaps because she knew what it felt like to be broke and helpless. If you’re ever down, just know that someone will cross your path and help you back up. There’s always someone for broken souls. Just don’t lose your light while giving others light; people need you more than they know. She gave her happiness to a lot of people, but lost hers along the way, but was lucky enough to find someone to help her find it again…I was lucky. Just know, you need to be better than that.