“Fukra” means cocky or arrogant in Punjabi
Growing up, I had zero knowledge about fashion or style. To be completely honest I didn’t care much about it. Then one day I remember seeing some kids in middle school — you know the “cool kids” — I saw how people treated them and I really wanted that. I slowly started getting into fashion, but it was a lot of trial and error. When I say a lot, I mean it. I then found my style in my early twenties, which became a more minimalistic style. Fashion has now become a part of my daily life. I genuinely enjoy buying new clothes and piecing together outfits. It’s to the point where people have started messaging me to join them at the mall to help piece together new looks for them.
As I was building a new style for myself, many of my childhood friends didn’t change much from the exterior. As each year passed I changed my hair or my style. Now that I am in my mid-twenties I have found a style that I enjoy and like when I look in the mirror, but in the process my friends don’t recognize who I am. Often times when I go out with them people will be surprised that they are my friends because they don’t dress a certain way. Personally to me it never mattered, I always stood up for them even behind their backs. Friendship is not about the clothes you wear, it’s about having each other’s back through thick and thin.
Just like an old shirt starts losing its proper fitting, that’s how us friends weren’t the right fit anymore. My taste in things changed, my views on life changed, and slowly my presence wasn’t needed in hangouts. After months of being pushed to the side I confronted the group about what the fuck is actually going on. The responses I got after still fuck me up mentally to this day — “bro you are materialistic,” “all you care about is clothes,” “you are arrogant and cocky,” and a bunch of other shit that had no correlation.
I tried changing a little to fit in for my friends; I tried dressing down, I tried making plans, but I was always shunned out. I was convinced it was my fault that the friends I considered family pushed me to the side, but last night I realized it was never my fault.
A college graduation gift that was given to me in 2016 was used as ammo and a way of making me feel guilty, so I could participate in someone’s gift that I did not want to be a part of because I had already given a gift. The fact that someone has to stoop down so low to say we gave you a $500 gift and we have never have seen you use it really shows you someone’s true character. I don’t know about how his parents raised him. I was raised to give a gift and never bring it up and show off about it. A gift is from the heart and should never have any strings attached to it.
I think it’s only fair to tell you a little about me. If being cocky and arrogant means having a hobby, which includes styling, shopping, and trying new looks then I am the cockiest of them all. Respect is the number one rule in my book — I will never compromise on that. For over a year now I beat myself up for ruining my friendships with my childhood friends. I’ve come to realize friendship is a two way street and I will not be put down for the things I enjoy. When you start giving free passes on the things others say or do, you are providing a coupon to people to disrespect you. Be true to yourself and the things you enjoy. Even if people think you are a “Fukra.”