The Three Tiers

“Look at the personality before you go for the looks.”


We live in a very aesthetic world where everything needs to look good. From what we wear, to the cars we like and even social media. So when we are put in such a world, how can we look beyond the looks, when that’s all we have been taught?

We are enamored with hundreds of beautiful people putting up pictures on Instagram or Snapchat. We have new ways to make ourselves look amazing through simple injections and even surgeries. If we go to such great lengths to look good then that means looks are an important piece to attraction, but making it the only reason is very dangerous.

We’ve all heard those stories where someone takes a very beautiful person out, but they end up being boring (yikes, no personality!) We’ve also heard the stories where someone finally gives someone a chance, only to be surprised at how nice they are; but you know they aren’t that attractive, yet.

After years of either being in this weird rut of finding someone who only looks good or only is nice had me a little frustrated. I wanted a healthy balance so I made myself a three tier cake to use as an example.

Tier 1(bottom layer): This tier is your trust, compatibility, and overall personal characteristics. Trust is the foundation of every relationship — without trust the top layers will always be in danger. Compatibility is one of those rare things that takes time to be understood because many factors play a role with it. Your personal characteristics need to be somewhat similar because if you like to joke around make sure who you like can take a joke.

Tier 2 (middle layer): This tier are your hobbies, favorite foods and future goals. It is about all of the little things that we think don’t matter, but end up being a huge deal down the road. For example, if one likes art galleries and the other likes to bungee jump, chances are you guys need to find a halfway point. If one person loves seafood and the other is a vegan, something might have to be worked out. See it’s very minute things that can get annoying later.

Tier 3 (top layer): The looks, the style, the perception. The least important but nowadays given the most importance. A person’s clothes should be no reason as to why you don’t get to know them, that’s changeable. The way someone looks is not controllable, but if you truly think you are 0% attracted to them from the get go them you should avoid leading them on.

The reality is that when you see someone from across the room you don’t think to yourself “wow, I bet they have an amazing personality.” You notice them because something about them catches your eye. Once they catch you, what do they have to reel you all the way to them? That’s where personalities come out and should do the rest of the work. Dating isn’t hard, but it can become difficult with the new set of beauty standards and focusing too much on one tier of this cake.