Unlearning everything I learned.

I was spoon-fed to believe success is a degree, which helps you gain an X amount of money. I was enamored with people telling me only a certain majors will help you reach this success. For some reason I could never accept the fact that I was made to study biology, chemistry or some other hard science but I still went ahead and did psychology.  The problem was that I did not know who I was at the tender age of 19 and I made this decision. I didn’t follow what I wanted but rather my family, friends, society and of course where I could find money.

            Clearly I went to college for all the wrong reasons and everyday I walked into lecture hall knowing, this is just not for me. I ignored all of my internal voices because I just wanted to make my family proud. I remember wanting to leave my university and transfer to some other university because the academics got very overwhelming for me but my family always huddled around me and picked me back up. I got lost in their dreams to the point where I forgot to live mine out. I remember after three long years in my university I applied for graduation and I still felt like I had not done enough. So I applied for a masters in speech pathology because I figured my family would be even more proud of me once I get accepted into 1 of the 15 masters programs I had applied for.

            Everyday I would tell someone that hey I might be going to grad school for speech pathology. Yet, every night I couldn’t sleep because I was so stressed about my future. If everything was planned to the T why was I so worried? Why was I still so restless?

            Every morning I would login to my email waiting for an email that would read congratulations.  Sadly, everything read we are sorry to inform you. I had been rejected from all 15 schools nobody even put me on the wait list. At this point I became over dramatic and realized “I will have no future”. I was depressed and embarrassed because in my mind I had let down my parents.

            With depression came many sleepless nights and one of these particular nights I remember doing a lot of thinking. I realized my 22 years of life had been shaped to make others happy. I hated my major, I hated the masters program and yet I was still going for it. It was so stupid of me because I would have went on with doing things that “sound successful” or will make others happy.

            Every individual is born with a certain skill and after enough polishing that skill makes him or her successful. I decided to write down my skills and see where I could take these skills. My list included dancing, writing and men’s fashion. My interests were photography and media design. For some people these are stupid side things people have but for me it makes me who I am. Im no longer ashamed of that because I cant sit in a cubicle, I cant be told to be what society accepts as a profession. Ever since that night I have never been this happy and this comfortable in my own skin. I am happy with my skills and future goals to become a writer, fashion blogger, website designer, photographer and dream about all of my goals.

            For any parent reading this blog please stop having your child live out your dreams. Stop expecting your child to live up to your expectations because we are all born a certain way and we all have different dreams. Im sure for the sake of your happiness your kids will do it but they will not be internally happy. Happiness will only exist when the child has passion and a drive for what they want to do.

Next week I walk across the stage to get my bachelors of Arts in Psychology. I couldn’t be more proud of myself and I couldn’t be more excited to say I found myself. Even with a degree I had a chance to unlearn everything I was taught. Success is not about a degree, money or what society says but rather it is discovering who are and being unapologetic.